jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
