At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
My vagina is officially offended.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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