Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
