The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Randomize
