the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
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