Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
All the doctor said was why
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
