It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
