im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
