I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
