she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
