it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
