Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize