I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
