At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
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I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
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I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"