a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
there's paper in my vomit.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
