What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
COCAINE IS GR8
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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