I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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