all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
