drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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