Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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