I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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