Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
