"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
