Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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