Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
