we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
being pregnant is like rehab
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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