girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
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Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
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and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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