if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
