Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
