Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
