It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
