that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
