Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
