do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
