What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
