Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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