his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just want to make out with him forever
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
