I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
