his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
honey bunches of taint.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You pole danced in your parka.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
