I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
