Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
