Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
