her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
