dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
