Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
