We're like a lot better than the average bears
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
