9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
