i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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