We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
