He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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