Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
