I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
