alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
