so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
