My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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