**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
BRING THE BAGELS
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
