While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
