If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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