Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
you would pick up someone in the library
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
