So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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