I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
