Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
