And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
