i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
