mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You took a bar mat shot.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
