dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
