I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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