did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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