I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
